Updated: Aug 19, 2019
You are not perfect! Oh yeah, I said it. You are not perfect, I am not perfect, Jason is not perfect, the ice cream man is not perfect (even though he's pretty darn close), nobody is perfect. A lot of times most of us can admit that we are not perfect, and that there's always room for us to change to better ourselves. But for some reason when it comes to our relationship, especially during those moments when things get a little sassy between one another, we want to pretend that we are perfect and that the problem is our partner and therefore our partner needs to change. Well, I'm here to tell you all that this thought process is not only 100% wrong, but it's not going to do anything to change whatever it is that needs to be changed.
Like many couples, Jason and I tend have the same argument over the same thing, with no resolution. One of the reoccurring arguments he and I have had was over where he left random dishes. You wouldn't believe how many times I've walked into the bathroom, and I find a fork! A FORK PEOPLE! Why is this fork in the bathroom, Jason?! I don't know guys, I don't think he knows. Anyways, whenever I have found those dang forks in the bathroom, I lost it! I'd grab that fork by the neck as if that fork was threatening my life, stomp out of the bathroom like Godzilla, and let my rage out on Jason and calmly ask WHY that fork was in the bathroom! Every time he would respond with defensiveness because I approached him with sassiness, and you could imagine how our conversations always went. It would just drive me insane that we had that conversation all the time, but he still wouldn't listen to me.
I knew that this was an issue that would never be solved, so I had to find a different way to tackle this fork-gate without it turning into another argument. After doing a little bit of relationship research, I read that sometimes if we want to see a change from our partner, we need to change first. We need to change the way we approach them, talk to them, deal with them, whatever. Honestly, I thought it was silly but I knew that I needed to try something knew, so I figured I'd give it a shot. Fast forward to me finding another fork in the bathroom, I picked it up by the neck again, angerly stared at it, maybe said a little curse about Jason in my head, then quietly put the fork in the dishwasher without saying a word. I kept doing this over, and over, and over again until one day I went into the bathroom and was shocked by what I saw: no fork! Oh my gosh it worked! Me not yelling and threatening Jason's life over that fork finally made him put it in the dishwasher all on his own. It was a flippin miracle! All I had to do was change the way I approached him, or the situation, and he would naturally alter his behavior to continue the positive change. After changing my response to that fork situation, I started to change my behaviors for other situations too and all of them have had the same response. Sure, sometimes it takes him a little bit to respond, but it always happens and once it happens, the change is stuck for good.
I want you to take this forktastic (see what I did there?) story and apply it to a situation that you and your partner argue about over and over again. The next time that situation comes up, change the way you respond and watch how your partner responds in return. It could be the change you both have been craving for! All because you decided to change yourself for the better.